Thursday, September 18, 2008

Head Like A Hole

Today I experienced my third bloody nose in a week.

Do you have seasonal allergies? no

Are you sniffing Pine-Sol? no, do people still use Pine-Sol?

Is it from the Pier One reed diffuser you bought? no, that thing just gives me the "someone.put.me.out.of.my.misery."migraines

Are you still wearing that Stella McCartney P.U.fume? no, pawned that perfume onto Mel. funny though, I've never smelled her wearing it.

Are you pretending to be an elephant with tusks by using chopsticks..again? no, I learned my lesson weeks ago.

Is it time to bring out the humidifier? no, surprisingly it's been relatively warm here on the Tundra.

Then you must be picking your nose!


Puleeze! Why would I do that, when I have this:




Ruby has discovered that her finger can point, poke, and pick.....my nose. We'll be sitting calmly, let's say, reading one of her books and out of nowhere, in Mach speed, her finger will be up my nose. She does this hook thingy with her finger while running her nail along the inside of my nostril.(insert cringing here)

She literally brings me to tears,then she's in tears, followed by Ava because I've frightened them both with my scream of terror. (side note. since having children I will let out a scream of terror for things not really that terrifying. And what's up with this nervous laugh suddenly appearing in inappropriate times..like in the middle of getting Ava's hearing checked. I couldn't stop busting a gut. I'm pretty sure the lady thought I was nuts.)




Don't let that cute baby hand fool you. Those paper-thin nails hurt like hell when inserted into holes not her own. Believe it or not, I clipped those nails two days ago and look how long they are. Not only is it impossible to keep them at a safe length but she makes clipping the cat look so much easier. She's goes into this crocodile kill mode..... arched back, dead weight,rolling technique and rolls herself right off my lap, refusing to let me clip her nails. I need a baby fingernail whisperer to help a mother out. Any tricks of the trade I'm not utilizing? My pop lock dance moves are not working anymore and my poor nose can't take it anymore.



" Psyche! Wow mom, I didn't know you could jump that high."


6 Ramble On:

THE LETTS FAMILY said...

Fingernail whisperer. MAN! You crack me up. But seriously, OUCH! Yikes. Evan didn't like it either, but Owen showed him that it was OK. Is she too young for peer pressure? Yeah, I think so, too.

~Steph said...

Fun stuff!

Have you tried clipping them when she's asleep? I've also heard that, with toenails at least, if they're strapped in their high chair they can't wiggle their feet as much and it helps with clipping toe nails.

You could also try wrapping a scarf around your head during the day. :) Good luck!

melanie said...

Hey...you told me you didn't like the smell of the perfume...so I don't wear it when I'm gonna be near ya. And, I usually wear Clinique Happy...but sometimes I pick the P.U.fume. It all depends on my mood.

Formerly Fun said...

My bebe does the same thing and I've finally just started shoving my finger up hers at the same time, I'm not sure if that will get me Mothere of the year award but it makes ME feel better.

I try and clip them when she's sleeping, but frequently by the time she's asleep, so am I.

Loved your croc analogy, good stuff.

Ms Pink said...

Ok, so I'm glad I'm not the only one that laughs at inappropriate times...it can be somewhat embarassing :)
I put Monkey on my lap and when we clip one off we say "Whee!" when it flies off...he seems to love that and now actually looks forward to getting it done.

Shannie said...

This is a funny damn post... I know crocodile kill mode, too... OMG, that's hysterical! And OUCH. Henry has done that and cut the holy crap out of the inside of my nose. I have no suggestions for trimming nails, other than make the Mister do it... That's what I do. Works like a charm. For me.